This week, I think I learnt a very valuable lesson. I was suffering from something that had never troubled me before in life. For the last 5 days, I had been suffering with a huge burden on my head. It was weighing me down and making me absolutely miserable. I felt like I was Atlas, holding up the entire earth and wishing I could just throw it all aside and find a hole to bury myself in. But finally after numerous talks (and fights and arguments!) with my girlfriend, she identified the problem as guilt. And more importantly, she convinced me that I was suffering from guilt. And once I found that out, my head was light as a feather. Suddenly I was happy again.
Let me just make the whole situation clear. Couple of days ago, I was at the peak of frustration and had absolutely no idea why I was feeling miserable (Check out the post from 2 days ago). It turns out that all this time I was feeling guilty for not performing my best, for having spent so much money and not getting the most out of it, for not being at all the places I was ‘meant’ to be. But thanks to my girlfriend, I was finaly able to identify the problem as guilt. And the surprising thing is, the minute I realised what the problem was, I was able to just brush it aside! It is true that “Knowing is the half the solution”. In this particular case, it turned out to be the complete solution.
Pushing it aside was quite easy. I realised there was nothing to feel guilty about and that it was completely natural. I’m a normal human being and there’re only so many things that I can accomplish in a given time. I feel like a new man.
I have known about Lucid Dreaming for quite some time now. I also know that it is not easy. I’m yet to have my first Lucid dream. But if you’re interested and would like to know more about Lucid Dreaming, I recommend visiting the forums at ld4all.org. The people over there are very helpful and there are lots of dreamjournals for inspiration. They also have a guide book set up which you might find useful.
Quake 3 Arena needs no introduction. The one game that has withstood the test of time and still has a following with die-hard fans in spite of newer multiplayer games showing up with better graphics and improved concepts like Counter-Strike and Call of Duty. Quake 3 Arena is still used to benchmark Graphics cards.
However, I’ve never been a big Quake fan. In fact, I’ve never been a big fan of multiplayer games. I prefer first person shooters with a story and a concept. Bioshock, COD 4 single player etc. But these days, I’ve started playing Quake. Not so much out of interest, but more as a stress buster. There’s a certain satisfaction in blowing people up into bits and pieces and having blood splatter all over the place. Feels good when you’re in a mood to kill. I would highly recommend if you’re really having a bad day. Been playing the game for a while with the bots and can lead quite comfortably in ‘Hardcore’ mode.
I wonder if this is something peculiar with me. I’ve been in a blue funk for the last 2 days. I don’t understand why. Spent 5 days before that with my girlfriend and returned back to town and started the new term yesterday and feel absolutely miserable. I feel like I’m one step away from popping my gasket and running around showing my naked self in all it’s glory. Maybe I’m having a case of depression. Or maybe it’s some weird hormonal imbalance (Do guys have periods?).
I’ve tried everything to make myself feel better. Played games, watched the Dark Knight, FMA Brotherhood, Friends, MIB – The Series, learnt to use LaTeX (and XeTeX while I was at it) but nothing seems to be helping. Tried talking to my girlfriend, but she’s searching for a new apartment and there’s nothing else that she can even think of at the moment, so she’s no help.
I wish I could be happy. I can think of a thousand things that are right with this world and why I should be happy. But I’m not. I talk to my friends, people around me, but it’s like no one can understand. How can they? When I can’t understand it myself. I guess I’ll just try to go to sleep and hope I’ll feel better in the morning.
And this concludes Day 2. To be honest, writing this post is the high point of my day today!
I was in the library this morning picking up my course pack for the new term and I figured I might as well pick up some book for my bedtime reading. Browsing through the fiction section, my eyes fell upon the words ‘ISAAC ASIMOV’ in big bold letters on a book with a blue and golden cover. Underneath that it said ‘The Foundation Novels’. The book I picked up is titled ‘Foundation And Earth’ and is apparently ‘among the great masterworks of science fiction’ (quoted behind the book).
I’ve known about Asimov and his rules of robots for a very long time. But I never tried reading any of his books for fear of them being hopelessly outdated. This is the era of technology where having the entire world’s information available to me without moving a muscle is the daily way of life (Eat your heart out Star Trek computer!).
But this time, I decided to give it a shot. The summary behind the book seems interesting enough. And I’ll try to read the book without any expectations. Will see if I can post my review of the book in one of the upcoming posts.
I’ll admit it. I’ve always been fascinated, or rather envious, of people who could write regularly. And write regularly well. Try as much as I can, I can’t seem to be able to prolong my interest and patience in blogging much longer than a few days. Writing a post is usually a chore for me. Possibly because it’s difficult for me to get my thoughts in order or because I’m just too damn lazy.
I think prose writing is a useful skill to have. The ability to improve one’s vocabulary and being able to present one’s ideas and thoughts in a systematic way will come in quite handy in a professional environment. What with all the emails that get sent everyday! And also, journal keeping is a very nice habit to have. I don’t know whether I’ll ever go back and read what I’ve written in my journal, but it’s nice to know that I have the option.
So, to remedy this handicap, I’ve decided to write one blog everyday, for the next 10 days. Just to shake things up. And depending on how well that goes, I’ll see whether I should continue or simply stop. Um … on second that, lets make that 5 days. I don’t want to be too ambitious, given my past track record of less than 10 posts/year. So 5 days it is. And starting with today. The post would be about anything under the sun ranging from my usual technology posts to something new I learnt today. They’ll be under the category ‘The Write Thing’. And hopefully, it’ll help in some way.